I've been in the weirdest mood lately. Slightly bummed and anxious.
It started because of work. My route was re-evaluated recently (along with every other rural route in the Atlanta area) and they determined my route was bigger than they thought. Evaluating a route is a complicated process and I'll spare you the particulars, but I am paid based on that evaluation rather than the hours I actually work. Therefore, higher evaluation = more money for Georgia.
Now the evaluation process is over, I have to wait 4 weeks to hear the official results. My union has a program that estimates it and my local office has a program that estimates it. Due to rounding there is a minute difference in the two programs. No big deal, right? Well...this particular minute is on the border between being the biggest route possible and being too big and in need of cutting. I won't know the future of my route for 4 weeks. Dang it. A giant raise or getting cut? This is stressfull for a girl who obsesses about money even when there's plenty of it.
So I spend all morning mulling this over. I'm stressed needlessly because there's nothing I can do. But to take my mind off of it a woman at work who knows I'm adopting comes over and wants a serious talk. Okay. She says she knows a 16 year old girl..... You all see where this is going, don't you? She askes if I'm interested in adopting this girl's baby. WHOA!! How do you answer that. My head starts spinning with possiblities. I'm thinking of all sorts of dumb things like, "Would we still use the name Zoe?" (she is having a girl)
After the initial thrill of possibly having a baby in 4 months (A NEWBORN!) I calm down enough to realize it's not all that great. My dear friend at work reminds me that 16 year olds change their minds.....a lot. Jeff reminds me of the potential cost of domestic adoption. And of course I remember the reasons we chose China to begin with. We're not that keen on birth mother involvement. And besides, in my head, my daughter is named Zoe. She is Chinese. And I will get her when she is about a year old. I actually like not getting a newborn. My time off work will be spent with a near toddler rather than an eating/pooping machine. (If any newborns are reading this...no offense)
But it certainly took my mind off my route evaluation.
4 comments:
Hmmm..yeah, I don't think I would want birth mother involvement...maybe information of the birth mother and history, but I wouldn't want her living that close and not at 16...
I looked at a SN children with CCAI, too. It turned out he had something more complicated than only a cleft palate (that I might have not noticed if I had been rushing as it really was undisclosed)...it might have been liver issues as well. I then questioned whether I was trying to rush into this...if I should just wait this out like everyone else. And so I am going to.
Not that you aren't well intentioned, and that finding a special needs child isn't the thing to do:) It just might be the thing to do! However, I just know everyone is on edge right now, and waiting for Zoe may be the right thing, too.
Yes, I do seem to be jumping at any baby possible, don't I? But in the end, we will wait for our beautiful healthy Zoe, who happens to be in China.
Since I have no experience with taking home a newborn, I CAN say that having a 9-16 month child dropped into your lap (via China adoption) is pretty...ummm, cool. Like you said, you don't deal with a eating/pooping machine.
Suddenly, a few weeks after you get Zoe, she'll be trying to take her first steps. You don't even have to wait a year for that!
Uhhh, of course if she already can walk when you get her, you miss out on that.
Pretty much luck-o-the-draw.
Wow! What a day is right. I don't know what I would do if someone approached me with that option. But as each day goes by, our daughter becomes more and more real in our minds and our hearts. It would definitely be a MAJOR change to switch to domestic or even another country at this point.
We can't make it this weekend but hopefully we will see you guys next month. Also, good luck with the job evaluation!
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